Days 13 and 14

Stress.
To put it simply, the last few days have been utter stress.
I'm trying to get 3 of my friends to come over so I can tell them something big He has been calling me to do, but only one has replied. If I don't tell them before school starts, I don't feel like they, or I, will have the time to really sit down and talk about it. I just wish they would reply, and if they don't want to hear it, I wish they would just tell me. I feel like I'm going insane just waiting on them answer.

I really miss my friend. He came from Indonesia as a foreign exchange student, and he's been gone for about a month now. It's sad to know that I'm never going to see him ever again! The positive thing about it is that I have even MORE to look forward to when I go to Heaven.

UGH I am very stressed. I really need to relax and calm down, but I can't. I need to find myself, but I can't. I went to a "party" today at my friend's house, and I feel like I wasn't being myself. I was this loud, obnoxious video game freak. I just want to find myself, I want to show everyone who God made me, I want to show everyone Brooks, the real Brooks.


Kari Jobe - Healer

You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease

I trust in You
I trust in You

I believe You're my healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You're my portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus, You're all I need

You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease

I trust in You
I trust in You

I believe You're my healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You're my portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus, You're all I need

Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You



When I listen to this song, I realize that the wait is worth it. If my friends never do reply, I'll know that God wants it to be that way.
It's just tough sometimes. Life is tough.

TENTH AEVNUE NORTH CONCERT ON SEPTEMBER 23! I CAN'T WAIT!

God Bless
-Brooks

Days 11 and 12

I did not post anything yesterday. I always ask God what to say before my posts, and I did not receive a reply from Him when I asked, which simply meant that yesterday was not a day to blog.

Today was a very amazing day. There were some downs, but there was a moment today that has changed my life forever.

The past week or so has been stressful in all, but today really did change it.

I was texting my BEST BEST BEST friend back and forth, and all of it was like a devotional conversation, which always immediately makes me feel better. No matter where I am, what I'm doing, if someone talks about God and His love and His word and His wisdom, I just feel in that comfort zone, and I just get that feeling like... THIS IS WHAT I'M LOVING FOR! I LOVE IT! :]

In this text conversation, my friend told me that I have a faith he can only dream of.

Right when I read that, I broke down and started to just cry cry cry cry cry. That one text message told me something that I have really struggled to grasp all of my life: There actually are people out there who I affect in a positive way. Gahh, I'm tearing up now just thinking about it :]

Now that he told me that, I am more inspired to increase my faith with God. Not only for me, but for all my friends. The text message said that my friend could only dream of having a faith like mine, and I want that dream to become a reality. My best friend deserves way more than I do, and I would do anything for him, and knowing that my faith inspires him, I am completely determined to give him that faith boost he deserves. I know that God is going to give me a great opportunity to help him get the jump start he needs, especially being a leader of a Christian club at school, and I want to really help him.

I don't feel that I have anything else to say, I'm at a loss for words, even 4 hours after the text. I'm so overwhelmed to read that coming from my best friend, someone I have always looked up to. He's looked up to me this whole time too? :D :D :D

Gosh, I love my life now :]

But a hard task approaches very quickly, and I'm very very nervous about it.

God Bless!

-Brooks

Day 10

Ok.

I am keeping this short and simple.

I got in an argument today with my parents, and ever since then, I've been pretty sad.

Today was a bad day.

I really need to just tell someone everything.

I'm waiting for that opportunity.

It doesn't even matter who now.

I just really want to be able to have someone who can relate to me in some way.

Any way.

So I sit, I wait.

That's it, just a waiting game.

God Bless

-Brooks

Day 9: Confusion

I decided to name this Confusion for an obvious reason: I'm really confused. I don't know what to say. I honestly can't think of much to type that really makes sense of my day and my thoughts. While I write this I am listening to Sanctus Real's song, Forgiven. The main focus of the song is eliminating regrets, destroying the sins we have committed, and just knowing that He forgives us for anything and everything.
"When I don't fit in and I don't feel like I belong anywhere, when I don't measure up to much in this life, oh I'm a treasure in the arms of Christ."

I feel like I'm going back to my old ways, ways full of fear and paranoia. I don't belong anywhere, I should just stay home and just sit there. I finished reading the Bible cover to cover, and it's really helped me understand my Father and everything about the world, but I'm still doubtful about my own potential. I've grown in Christ through the daily reading, yet I have not found myself. As my best friend told me on Facebook today, I have so many different Brooks characters, and I can't find out which one is the real me. There's the swimmer Brooks, the Brooks who lives for God and God alone, and then a mixture of the two, and many more. I just don't know which one is truly me.

I was watching a show today that was cancelled, but I really liked it and I found videos online. It is called Kid Nation, and it's about kids who live in a ghost town for 40 days and bring life back to the previously failed city. It really hit me, as many times kids would be so happy or grateful or just emotional(in a positive way) that they would tear up, or even cry. I never ever cry out of joy, just out of sadness. I wish that could change, I wish that tears could fix me rather than tear me apart, break me down.

God will give me what is best, and that's what is happening. It's just hard to accept that sometimes, especially today.

God Bless

-Brooks

Day 8

Before I blog about my day today, I would like to mention thanks to everyone, whether they see this or not, that has ever helped me in any way. After seeing a testimony of someone I've looked up to for a while, I'm very inspired to really make a difference. Whether that difference be in on person's life or 1 million peoples' lives, I really want to bring joy and God's love to somebody. I know that God has a purpose for me, I have NO DOUBT whatsoever. That purpose, though? I have no idea. The Bible tells us what He wants us to do, but He also gives us each an individual purpose in life that not even the Bible completely reveals. What reveals it? My belief is faith. Faith tells us what to do and when to do it. I don't know if I've ever really impacted somebody with an overflow of God's love, but I know that I will eventually. 16 years of my life are gone, and half the time I feel like I've wasted them. I've known Jesus as long as I can remember, but I feel like I never really took the time to just let Him take control, let Him take the wheel of my life. No matter how many times I want to let Him, I just find myself anxious to steal the wheel back, to take over. He lets me every time, He gave me so much freedom and I'm abusing it. The truth is, I'm crumbling, and I just feel out of place always. I have so many people by my side, great friends, awesome brothers and sisters under Christ. Unfortunately, I don't feel like I have the strength to open up and let them know about any of the pain/struggles that are going on. I need them, I need them to help me. I know they will, but I just feel too weak and fragile to open up. So I don't. I stay concealed, I stay hidden from the world. The obnoxious, annoying, loud Brooks takes control when friends are around, and then there's no room for the broken, torn, weak Brooks who just sits quietly, waiting to just... die.

So, relating to the above paragraph, today was a... different day. I had friends over the entire day, which was awesome! They were all very devoted Christians who all inspire me in ways words can't describe. The one problem that none of them really knew was that even at my own house, with all these friends, I still felt left out. We watched a movie, and multiple times I just got up, went to my room, and looked in the mirror. When I looked in the mirror, it wasn't a "look at my hair, it's messed up!" or a "Woah, I'm fat" stare, it was more of a "Who am I?". I didn't know what to do, and even with friends there, I just sat up there, thinking.

I'm really confused. I don't know what's going on in my life, and I honestly am just... ugh. I'm just weak. Very very weak.

Here comes a song, totally relevant to this post. COMPLETELY RELEVANT

Awful Directions - The Almost

Life has given me the, me the creeps
I need you to make, to make, to make me weak
I have made my world my own, I've made it my own
And I have never been so alone

I can't stop my brain from moving
in an awful direction Lord
I can't stop my hands from doing
what I don't want to do anymore
I've been wrong
I've been right
but tonight
I just wanna be yours

I'm planning this out
to be all about me
I, I am wrong can you help me?

I can't stop this brain from moving
in an awful direction Lord
I can't stop these hands from doing
what I don't want to do anymore
I've been wrong
I've been right
but tonight
I just wanna be yours

I've got to let go of all of this
'cause I'm dragging me down, down

I can't stop my brain from moving
in an awful direction Lord
I can't stop my hands from doing
what I don't want to do anymore
I've been wrong
I've been right
but tonight
I just wanna be yours
I just wanna be yours
I just wanna be yours

I've been wrong, i've been right
but tonight i just wanna be yours

God, I know you have a purpose for me, and I know it is not to just sit here and crumble. Please fix me, and as selfish as it may seem for me to say this, I really need You to use Your children, my friends, to fix me, to glue me back together. I love You so much and I just want to be able to call You my best friend and mean it, please help me do so. :[ Thanks for today, yesterday, tomorrow, and forever. I know You are here for me, but please let me feel Your presence.

Amen.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10
"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

God Bless!

-Brooks

Day 6 and Day 7

Over the last two days, I really wanted to digest my thoughts and feelings before letting them out through this blog. Though slightly stressful, the last two days have been rather amazing. I've been able to see a couple friends that I haven't seen in a while, and it really bolstered my attitude.

One thing that I feel has been lacking is God and me time, and I really need to improve on it. Today is going to be epic beyond proportions though!

Friends are hanging out with me, and I hope we get to have some sort of a devotional or something :]

I don't know what else to say, but I do have a song to share. It's really really helping me in ways that I can't describe with words.

I Will Rise - Chris Tomlin

There's a peace I've come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There's an anchor for my soul
I can say "It is well"

Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead

And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

There's a day that's drawing near
When this darkness breaks to light
And the shadows disappear
And my faith shall be my eyes

Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead

And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

And I hear the voice of many angels sing,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
And I hear the cry of every longing heart,
"Worthy is the Lamb"

And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

Say of your brothers, 'My people,' and of your sisters, 'My loved one.'

Hosea 2:1

God Bless!

-Brooks

Day 5

Today was by far the most interesting day in a while.

I feel like I was really really tested today. I had a great day. It was SUPER fun, but I feel like I failed in doing "right". I went to a friend's birthday party, and he's also Christian, but he's against publicly showing it. I really wanted to open up and just overflow God's love and hope that he would be affected, but I'm not happy to say that I didn't.

I ignored it, and just kept it in to myself.

I am so thankful God gave me this great day, yet I just don't feel like myself after it.

God is so amazing, He's just providing all these opportunities for me, He's giving me all this love. I didn't do what He may have wanted me to do tonight, yet He just "brushes it off" and doesn't think of me any differently. Through repentance, a new me is created, a me that is seen as PERFECT by Him.

God is amazing. 'Nuff said.

It's been a month or so since I left a camp, and before I left, my counselor pulled me aside and told me not to worry about anything, not to regret, but to live life to its fullest. He told me that there is no excuse for regrets, lack of confidence, or self-hatred. He told me that Jesus was thinking of ME when He died on the cross.

Isn't that amazing?

There are BILLIONS of people living on this earth, and there were BILLIONS MORE in the past 2 centuries, and every single one of them was in Jesus's mind during His crucifixion.

WOW.

He is so magnificent.

A song has been on my mind lately. A friend from camp posted it as her status, and it's a worship song I always really am able to open up to God through. I pray while it plays, and I feel like we're talking in a different language. The language is completely love, no hatred, no anger, no criticism, I just feel the real relationship of us during that song.

Sweet Sweet Sound - Sarah Reeves

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I-e40UCxlYw

I am an instrument of the living God
My life a melody to His name
More than the songs I sing
Worship is everything
I live to glorify my King

Hear the song of my life
Let it be a sweet, sweet sound
Let it be a sweet, sweet sound
I raise this anthem high
Let it be a sweet, sweet sound
Let it be a sweet, sweet sound

Through all the mire and clay
You're washing me with grace
You carry me, oh Lord, through it all
So I will testify even in the fire
I live to praise my Savior

Hear the song of my life
Let it be a sweet, sweet sound
Let it be a sweet, sweet sound
I raise this anthem high
Let it be a sweet, sweet sound
Let it be a sweet, sweet sound

Let everything that has breath
Praise the Lord, Praise the Lord
And all creation will sing Hallelujah

Hear the song of my life
Let it be a sweet, sweet sound
Let it be a sweet, sweet sound
I raise this anthem high

Let it be a sweet, sweet sound
Let it be a sweet, sweet sound

"'But if they will confess their sins and the sins of their  fathers--their treachery against me and their hostility toward me"

-Leviticus 26:40

Remember not the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you are good, O LORD.

-Psalms 25:7

Last but not least, I must say thanks to the followers I have. Once again, my intention of this blog is NOT to get readers, my intention is to get rid of my stress and simultaneously increase my relationship with God. To those who are reading this blog, I hope you are being affected in a positive way. God loves you so much. He really does.

Think about this: Pretend you were 1 day old, and you lived to be 20000 years old. Pretend that you said "God Loves ME!" once every millisecond for your entire life. Counting all the times you said that and multiplying them, that's not even .00000000000001% of how much He loves you!

He's so awesome, and I hope you know that. :]

God Bless you all!

-Brooks

Day 4

I really don't have much to say.

Today was just an average day.

I got some great time today to just pray and relax. I prayed for about 3 hours, and I can just feel that vibe that's telling me, "These prayers are working wonders!"

So I'm happy.

And tomorrow, I get to see someone that I've looked up to since the first day I met her, and she's leaving for college, so it's like... really awesome to see her.

She's helped me grow in my walk SO MUCH, and I'm so happy that she's going to college. She will be able to spread the word even further than she has done, and I am so proud of her for all of her accomplishments.

So that was today, just a normal day with a great little 3hour section.

Today was the best day in a while, and I'm sure there are more great days ahead! ;]

Psalm 97:11-12

Light is shed upon the righteous
and joy on the upright in heart.

Rejoice in the LORD, you who are righteous,
and praise his holy name

God Bless!

-Brooks

Day 3

Day 3 was a stressful one.

To keep it simple, I'll give you three words to describe my day.

TOO MANY DISTRACTIONS.

I don't use these words as an excuse, and I do put the blame on myself for not giving the time I had to the Lord. I did not read my Bible at all today, not once.

First day in a while that's happened, and I feel very guilty.

My best friend came over, and I haven't seen him in a while, and I was pleased to see him. He came over, and we worked on website stuff. He's a Christian leader, a child of God that I really look up to. I don't think he knows how much he means to me, honestly. I can't see myself alive without him. Literally.

Whenever we do have spiritual talks or devotionals, he always wants to avoid the specific topic of me thanking him for everything, he doesn't want me to compliment him or just show my gratitude for his presence in my life. He seriously means so much to me, and it's stressful sometimes. I only have 2 more years of high school, just like him, and his heart seems to be set on A&M, while I have no desire to go anywhere but Baylor.

AKA: 2 more years until we never see each other again.

It's tough to type this, just thinking about the fact that he's gonna be gone. Forever.

I want the best for him, and I'm glad he knows what he wants in life.

It's just tough to know that there's just two years left.

2 years :[

But honestly, I can't imagine it.

Just 2 years.

God will separate us if it is right, I know it.

Maybe we will go to the same college? If so, God wants us to. If not, God knows best.

God is my deliverer. He is my fortress, and if I'm feeling down, I must turn to Him.

When the high school goodbyes hit, I'm going to turn to Him, and everything will be alright.

I will wait for You to move
For Your mighty hand to save
When the trouble water rise
You are my hiding place
You are my hiding place

You walls are salvation
Your gates are praise

My Deliverer
My Deliverer
My Deliverer
Is the Lord

Who is like You mighty God
Who can take me from Your hand
As I walk with You in freedom
You're the Rock on which I stand
You're the Rock on which I stand

-My Deliverer by Chris Tomlin

I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. This is my command: Love each other.

-John 15:11-17

Also, I have to tell a really good friend of mine a secret that is just... let's just say I don't like to talk about it, or even think about it.

It's going to be very emotional, and I really hope that God gives me the strength to let everything out that I need to go out.

She's a great friend, and she deserves to know the truth. I haven't lied to her, but she really needs to know this. Whether she likes the news or not, I know that she's there for me, and I'm so thankful that God has provided such strength, power, and grace to a friend of mine.

God really does love me, He loves us all. Even after all of my mistakes, all of my faults, He is still giving me friends, friends who are going to be there for me whether I need them or not. Friends who don't judge me, friends who see me for who I am rather than just a tall swimmer-guy. After all my sins, He forgave me and He loves me so much. He doesn't want me, or you, or anyone, to pay Him. We don't owe Him anything, He just wants us. He wants our hearts, and I want to give Him mine!

God Bless,

-Brooks

The flat Day 2

So today, nothing really happened.

I slept ALL DAY, then I woke up and read my Bible for only about 10 minutes.

I'm feeling a little out of place, and I honestly don't know why.

Today wasn't BAD, but there was just nothing about it that made it "good"

I just can't wait until I finally express the stuff that's happening to a few specific people. They're always there for me, and I'm sooooo thankful. Once I tell them everything, my life will get better, instantly.

I'm afraid to let it out, I'm afraid to just let the words come out of my mouth.

They scare me, just thinking about what kind of person I was.

I'm so thankful I have friends that don't judge me for my past, and I know God gave me them for a purpose.

Sometimes I feel like I'm just an inferior to everyone. In a religious standpoint at least.

I want it to stop.

God doesn't see me that way.

He sees me as the #1 prize of a huge tournament called life. He sees us all that way, and He is so jealous for our hearts.

The Bible says it straight up, yet it is just hard to grasp.
One day I'll be able to hang onto it with ease.

One day.

So while I'm writing this blog, I'm listening to a song that really really hit me, the lyrics just stood out. The message is there, yet I feel a personal message to me specifically behind the lyrics, behind the melody. I feel His comforting hands when I listen to the song, and I just love it.

Sweetly Broken - Jeremy Riddle

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O5_Z3ZZYLDc

To the cross I look.
To the cross I cling.
Of its suffering I do drink.
Of its work I do sing.
On it my Savior,
both bruised and crushed,
showed that God is love,
and God is just.

Chorus:
At the cross You,
beckon me,
draw me gently,
to my knees and I am,
lost for words so,
lost in love I'm,
sweetly broken, Holy surrender!

What a priceless gift:
undeserved life
have I been given
through Christ crucified.
You've called me out of death.
You've called me into life.
And I was under Your wrath,
now through the cross, I reconcile.

Chorus:
At the cross You,
beckon me,
draw me gently,
to my knees and I am,
lost for words so,
lost in love,
I'm sweetly broken, Holy surrender!

At the cross You,
beckon me,
draw me gently,
to my knees and I am,
lost for words so,
lost in love,
I'm sweetly broken, Holy surrender!

In awe of the cross I must confess,
how wondrous Your redeeming love and how great
is Your faithfulness!

Chorus:
At the cross You,
beckon me,
You draw me gently,
to my knees and I am,
lost for words so,
lost in love,
I'm sweetly broken, Holy surrender!

At the cross You,
You beckon me,
draw me gently,
to my knees and I am,
lost for words so,
lost in love,
I am sweetly broken, Holy surrender!

Yeah, Yeah!

Broken for You...I'm broken for You, my Lord.

Jesus...All that's left, ooooo I am sweetly broken.

But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you. For surely, O LORD, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield.

-Psalm 5:11-12

God Bless

-Brooks

Day 1

So it's day 1 of my "new life", and it's really not easy. I knew that it wouldn't be a simple little task, but I never thought that I would ever just ignore my goal like that. I was reading Acts today, and all of a sudden I just stopped. I couldn't focus. I couldn't keep my mind focused on God, focused on His word, focused on what He wanted me to get from the time I read today. I wanted to make today a great start, but I realized that it's not how much time you give to God, it's how much effort you give to him. Effort doesn't substitute for time, and I know that I can't just read 5 minutes a day and expect to have everything fall in place. I'm ready to just read until I can't focus, and when I can't, I will just stop reading at the time. I'd rather wait and get the message God wants me to than read to "get it over with". I chose to read the Bible, nobody is forcing me to, and I want to get the most out of it I could.

My friend was chatting with me on Facebook today, checking up on me since we haven't spoken to each other in a couple of weeks, and then somehow my blog got into the conversation, and she read it. She's an amazing friend that I've known for a while, but we were never really "close" until this summer. Anyways, she told me she liked my blog and my writing style, and that really boosted my self-esteem. Ever since that conversation, my day has been just AMAZING. I got to eat my favorite food for dinner, and I got to just enjoy life with my favorite TV shows: America's Got Talent, Wipeout, and Degrassi.

PERFECT DAY.

Also, my friend opened my eyes to realize that I write as I think. I don't plan what I type on this blog. I just type what I am thinking about. I'm thankful that God has given me the ability to just let it all out without any thoughts required.

So after 2 blog posts, my life is much better, and I'm really satisfied with life in general.

Self-esteem issues are still somewhat of a problem, but then again, it's only been 22 hours since the revolutionary plan I proposed for myself. That's a problem that is a work in progress.

Well, now it's time to post some Bible verses relevant to today's post. (This helps me stay confident with what I type :] )

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.

-James 1:17

Because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.

-Romans 10:9

My eye wastes away because of grief; it grows weak because of all my foes.

-Psalm 6:7

Thanks God for helping me through the day and for the amazing friends I have. They keep me going, and so do You. You're amazing, and I'm so happy You've given me the strength to have faith in You.

God Bless

-Brooks

The Beginning of a new, awesome life.

So I'm Jared Brooks Patterson.

Lately, emotions have been roaring inside of me, and I've been doing some pretty crazy things, thinking some crazy thoughts, and I'm somewhat become reckless. Summer is at it's midpoint right now, and I have had a very boring, blank summer. I am trying my best to just grow as much as possible as a Christian, I want to hear Him speaking to me. I read my Bible as much as I can, and I listen to KSBJ, a Christian radio station, at least 4 hours every day. No matter how much I try, I just never feel like I am doing as much as He may want me to. I know that I'm capable of much more growth, and I am the one who is depriving myself of it. Even though that is true, I know that God will give me the strength to change my life for the better, and He will one day have full control. I want to give Him everything, but it's definitely not easy.

Another thing that has really been affecting my life lately is just the idea of self-image. I do not look at myself as a superior to anyone, but an inferior. Yeah, I may be a "fast" swimmer, but I always feel like I can be better spiritually. My self-esteem hasn't been high for a while, ever since the first time I really opened up about my spiritual life. I'm so glad I did open up, because if I didn't I would definitely crumble. However, I just wish I was prepared to face the aftermath. It's okay though. God didn't prepare me to face the conflicts in my life for a reason. I don't know that reason, only He does. Faith is what keeps me going on. Anyways, my self-image isn't great. It's pretty bad, actually, and it's really minimizing my spiritual growth options. Especially with summer here, I thought I would be happy 24/7, but I am just... not. I thought that my friends and I would have more time for deep spiritual thoughts, more time to pray together, and to just enjoy life with God-centered activities. Yeah, I have much more time, but that's not what I'm spending my time doing. I'm sitting here, on my computer, wasting my summer playing games that give me temporary happiness. Once I stand up out of my chair, and I look around, I lose that happiness. I can't wait for school, I want that fellowship with my friends in CSU (Christian Student Union). I haven't had one extremely moving devo this summer, and I feel like it's going to remain that way. I'd like that to change, but I know that it only will if God wants it to.

I have a proposition for myself right now: I'm going to quit these computer game addictions and I'm going to give my Father as much time of mine as I can. He wants it all, and I want Him to have it all. The only problem is... I'm a human. I know that there is virtually no way possible to give everything to God, but I want to strive to give him as much of me as I can.

Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you, I give men in return for you, peoples in exchange for your life. -Isaiah 43:4

So while I was writing the above section of this blog, I remembered a verse that JUST NOW affected me more than ever.

[Romans 3:23]

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God

For as long as I can remember, my life has revolved around competition. I have always wanted to be the best, I've wanted to have the title of "Champion" or "leader" or the "best". When I read this passage above, I feel relieved that others sin and fall short of God's glory, and it's not just me. I SHOULD NOT FEEL THAT WAY! I feel really guilty for being happy that others are like me in some way.

Sometimes I just wish that I couldn't relate to anyone. I just wish that my life wasn't based on a competition, based on comparison. I mean... God loves you just as much as He loves me. The most devout friend I have has no more of God's love than any Atheist, any nonbeliever, and even Anti-Christians! With that being said, I am just confused about my life. I know that I will be redeemed, and all my past regrets will just be wiped away.

Everything is going to be perfect in the end. I may think that I'm some useless waste of space, but I shouldn't. My neighbor told me that his counselor at a camp said a quote that changed his life forever, and now it's really touched mine.

"If God, the all-knowing One, made you the way he wanted you, then why look at yourself without joy and love? He loves you, and so should you."

I get goosebumps every time I read that quote, and it really touches my heart.

Well, I just want to say that my friend recommended letting my feelings out by typing them away, and here I did that.

My intentions of this blog are not to get tons of readers or to become infamous. I am blogging for growth in my relationship with Christ. I advertise this blog on my FaceBook for one reason: If someone wants to read this, they can. I hope someone is positively affected by this blog, but it's okay if not. I don't expect any readers, and I'm perfectly fine with that. I thank God for giving me the ability to let my feelings out on this website, whether others read it or not.

God Bless you all, and Praise the Lord!

-Brooks.